Perry Portly and the Fake DNA Results, by Gary Gocek
Perry Portly and the Fake DNA Results, by Gary Gocek
Perry walked gingerly down the steps. At the bottom was a locked door. He twisted the knob to no avail. Suddenly, a peephole opened and a face asked, "What's the password?"
Perry knew this was not the computer password, and he answered, "Swordfish!" The door opened and the guard, or whoever he was, ignored Perry and began playing a piano in the corner. Perry walked to a computer terminal. There were half a dozen PCs, appropriately spaced six feet apart.
"Need any help?" asked another denizen of the place.
"Oh, I just need to do some research on rotational bookshelf predictions," Perry blundered, but he caught himself. "Uh, I mean, predictive bookshelf rotation. For the public library, you know."
"Wow, that library is always on the bleeding edge. Feel free to log in," said the other.
Perry logged in. This was almost too easy. However, just as he was about to begin poking into the DNA neural network,
an old geezer with a pocket protector approached. It was the piano player who had opened the door. Perry quickly typed
"predictive". "Say there, I don't know you, but you're obviously tied into the community. One of our guys quit recently,
to work on the web site for a ladies' lingerie company."
"Sweet," Perry interjected quickly.
"Yeah, totally. I'm Pippelini. Where ya from, stranger?" That seemed to be a common question here in Pittsford.
"I'm Spitz," lied Perry, trying not to spit and trying not to laugh at the satirical Pittsford-ish name he just made up. "I'm from the west side of the village, near the tracks." It was almost the truth.
"Great, a Pittsford boy. We need a programmer for the fake DNA project."
"Hmmm," pondered Perry. "Isn't that on the edge of breaking the ACM Code of Ethics8?"
"Sure," said Pippelini, "but think of the perks. Women think you have superhuman DNA, and the keyword monetization is phenomenal."
Perry had never been able to make more than a few cents off an ad click. Still, he came to Pittsford to stop the DNA project.
Pippelini continued, "And once in a while, Carrie Ann the librarian stops by, that's always a treat."
Carrie Ann! If Perry were being honest with himself, he had to admit she probably wouldn't even recognize him as the guy from Fairport, but he might finally get a date or something! The feel of Della's peck on his cheek wore off. Shady DNA results, oh who really cares? Superhuman DNA! Money! Carrie Ann!
©2020, Gary Gocek, https://gary.gocek.org/, @garygocek, gary@gocek.org